joy

Joy is a feeling.

I explained that racecar is the same word spelt backwards and got a class full of korean students stunned.

Lylla-my shyest, most petite student- played "Wonderwall" by Oasis for me on her guitar. I never expected that. "I practiced all vacation, so I could play it for you", she said.

I got my after-school class to write their own Bucket List. The best one being " I want to eat all the items on the menu at my favourite cafe"- Jay seemed to have thought this one through. I hope she does do it, and that cheese cake is on the menu.

I finally understood the meaning of "subjectivity" and "inter-subjectivity" and realised the latter is only truly felt when the former is held and suspended, considered, acknowledged and finally accepted.

Today I felt joy.

20 somethings. So, do you really have the key to the door at 21?!

“It’s somewhat terrifying,” writes a 25-year-old named Jennifer, “to think about all the things I’m supposed to be doing in order to ‘get somewhere’ successful: ‘Follow your passions, live your dreams, take risks, network with the right people, find mentors, be financially responsible, volunteer, work, think about or go to grad school, fall in love and maintain personal well-being, mental health and nutrition.’ When is there time to just be and enjoy?”

I found this in an article from the New York Times about "20Somethings"http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/magazine/22Adulthood-t.html?pagewanted=7&_r=2&sq=20%20somethings&st=cse&scp=1.

If you get a chance -read it-It is truly fascinating! Not only because I am a psych major and I have studied this kind of thing at Uni, but it addresses an interesting age group-either you have kissed fondly goodbye, going through as confused as me or will soon approach probably a bit too eagerly than is required.

I need to write my brother Pete-a speech about turning 21! Where on earth do I start?

Somehow-when I was also turning 21 and making speeches for my friends I felt like the wonderful world was waiting for me on the horizon-like the shimmering sunshine. Very optimistic, very certain it would all be peaches and cream. And then this year happened.

And I have realised it isn't all happiness and sunshine but a positive optimistic outlook helps. So here goes:

Hello everyone-Molo, hoe gaan dit, Bonjour and "anyeonghaseyo" as they say here in South Korea!

I cannot believe that I am thousands of kilometres away probably eating noodles in a dodgy back-alley restaurant whereas you are all enjoying an evening of festivities as you celebrate my brother Pete's 21st! Now, as Pete's older sister, I wondered about how I should go about this speech-should I give away his childhood secrets or encourage him to pursue his dreams. Instead, I thought I would take inspiration from the man himself and look at his 21st theme: Wear glasses and dress to be seen! As you all know Pete's glasses are rather iconic and well he wouldn't quite be Pete without them!

According to Wiki- glasses (or otherwise known as eyeglasses or spectacles) are frames bearing lenses worn in front of the eyes, normally for vision correction, eye protection, protection from UV rays and as a fashion statement. The more I began to think about it-the more I have come to realise that my brother can be compared to a pair of glasses. Yes, Pete-that is all your 21 years of life has amounted to- YOU ARE A PAIR OF GLASSES.

But let me explain more-if we look at the first function of glasses:

VISION CORRECTION

Now, Pete was one of those annoying people at school that did well at everything-he wore all the blazers and got all the colours possible and I was always jealous of him for that. As South Africa's very own Daniel Vittori (the New Zealander who happens to wear glasses) he dazzled everyone on the cricket field with his left-arm spin bowling. Pete, also took inspiration from Einstein (who also funny enough occasionally wore glasses). Known as the family genius- like Einstein he read his bizarre science books and dominated maths. But Pete more than anything else loves Einstein for his simple explanations -especially the one about relativity- "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity." Pete wrote an entire speech about Boys High comparing it to that PRETTY GIRL. He indeed has a passionate love for Boys High-whether it was fooling around in class sticking glue to the ceiling that fell on the unsuspecting teachers, stealing the Principals car for a night out in Joburg, playing Hockey in Red and Green, Singing Swing low sweet chariots for the candies or running the society dealing with national and international affairs-Pete loved it! Relating back to this function of glasses -VISION CORRECTION-it suggests that glasses always aim at getting 100%vision for the wearer-almost a "Never give up attitude"-just like Pete. This links to my favourite story of Pete at school when at Interhouse Gala no-one in Sunnyside was willing to swim the 100metres open butterfly. So Pete being Pete, gladly offered but didn't realise what he was getting himself into as he competed against regional and national champs. After swimming a lap, he was already one behind and so it was no wonder when he turned to do his final lap he was the only one still swimming. The entire school at this stage was cheering him on in chorus and he said he could hear them shouting his name everytime he came up for air. He finished the race valiantly but couldn't pull himself out the pool as his arms were so sore. The principal walked over to him and said" Beckwith -you can do a lot of things well-but swimming is not one them".

According to Wiki-the next function of glasses is EYE PROTECTION.

Here we will be looking at these fabulous fake glasses to explain my point. Glasses are a great means of protecting the eye from harm. One day in primary school Pete got a nasty blow to the face while fielding at silly mid-off-his glasses saved the day by protecting his eye, but unfortunately left a bruise the size of an orange on his forehead. Pete-like glasses protects the things near and dear to him. When he was little that meant LEGO-nobody could rearrange or touch his lego otherwise he would get furious! And as he got older it was things like friends, girlfriends and family. When we were skiing in Italy and I was officially useless, Pete followed me by my side down the red slope encouraging me every metre of the way. Just as the arms of glasses support the important lenses, so too is Pete an incredibly supportive brother and friend. The arms of glasses extend from the lenses to behind the ear-the apparatus that I believe Pete utilizes better than most. He is there for so many people- listening to problems and providing realistic and sensible advice. The nose pads on glasses are used to make the wearing of glasses as comfortable as possible. Pete is a happy go lucky, laid back character, but just like nose-pads stands in position without budging. He is a man of integrity and sticks to his guns. He is opinionated about things he cares about and I have always admired his high values.

Thirdly, glasses can act as UV PROTECTION..

Now, these sunglasses are not quite Pete's Aviators-but they will have to do! UV Rays are incredibly harmful and can cause great damage. But if you have got good glasses and not cheap ones from a guy on the side of the road, they will protect you from harm. Pete is that UV protector and has many times in my life protected me. He truly cares about making a difference in the world.I will never forget the absolute joy in the students eyes at Masizame when Pete worked through the door at St George's Home and they all screamed "PIZZZA"-which is the name they used to call him. I think he will make a magnificent doctor one day as he treats people with respect and genuine care. Speaking of being doctor-I think it is possibly a good time to mention the story about Pete as med student in second year Anatomy class. Andy and the boys were working on their poor cadaver-Wednesday- short for "Wednesday going to break?" referring to the man's skinny legs. Being a wally for some reason, Pete was assigned official Penis holder for the day as the boys went away dissecting the cadaver's goods. I can remember Pete saying to me later that day -well you know-sometimes you just got to lend a helping hand.

Lastly, glasses can be a FASHION STATEMENT. Most of my high school students wear thick rimmed glasses just to look cool! And who can deny that Pete isn't cool- he is unbelievably gregarious and dashing. Maybe not quite as drag queen as these glasses, but Pete definitely has character. He always looks good-whether he is flaunting his Med student paraphernalia- or if he is prancing around in his boxers of lumo colours doing the booty hop. Added to that, Pete has a great dry sense of humour and he often catches one out at the most bizarre time! Both Pete and I are renowned for dancing on tables while joling and his dress-ups including my french maid outfit and the Charlie Chaplin apparel have been classics. Pete's nickname at school was POTTER-after the world-renowned wizard with the quirky glasses and scar on his forehead. I really think it is a great way to describe my brother-he has a humble confidence in the spotlight, he fights for the good in the world, he has some magic up his sleeve and is always ready for adventure. With a theme tonight of "dressed to be seen", I can only imagine what my dear brother is wearing!

I came across an article the other day titled "20 somethings"....about being young and in the springtime of your life. Someone wrote: “It’s somewhat terrifying to think about all the things I’m supposed to be doing in order to ‘get somewhere’ successful: ‘Follow your passions, live your dreams, take risks, network with the right people, find mentors, be financially responsible, volunteer, work, think about or go to grad school, fall in love and maintain personal well-being, mental health and nutrition.’ When is there time to just be and enjoy?”. Despite all these challenges and things life may throw at you which I know you will deal with succesfully, I would like to recommend that you just BE sometimes-BE the awesome Peter Beckwith that you are... that all of us love and ENJOY IT!

So dearest Pete, as you get the metaphorical key to the door, which really means nothing anymore about being an adult, and means everything about having a great party, I want to leave you with something small from my primary school as a tribute to YESTERDAY-the past 21 years and also as a wish for the next 21 years to be even better! Have a wonderful 21st tonight! I am thinking of you. All my love JO

check it out on Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bj0IJ7WSG0Y

Life is a bus-ride

I have been meaning to write about my morning bus-rides that transverse Chuncheon (through Myeong-Dong, passed Soyang-ro, across the Soyang bridge leading to the "other side" of the city-the outskirts) for quite sometime now. However, nothing hit me more this morning than the uncannily likeness of bus-rides to this journey called life.

Getting on a bus for the first time is always a gamble, because although a final destination may be in mind, the exact route and even the end of the journey are generally unknown. So number 37 or number 19 are the ones I look for... just as I am on this life journey in Korea as a teacher-a strange journey choice, but one that I am currently riding...

Everyone waits for the ride to begin as you have to be prepared to jump on-a leap of faith in something- because if you don't, life will carry on without you. My mom has always paid careful attention to people catching buses and gets mightily distressed if someone misses one...I never uderstood this bizarre phenomenon until it happens to you...just as in life-the opportunitie are consistently passing you by and you have got to realise you can't catch all of them, but those you want to grab you need to be prepared-time waits for no man.


We pay-an exchange of sorts-for the journey-either in the form of a digital bus disk that only costs 900 Won and is rechargeable compared to the old fashioned note and coin combo of 1100Won. I guess representing the current situation of technology in our modern world-it helps but is not necessary. Nevertheless, an exchange is made-showing your commitment to this opportunity in life. Despite the consistent price, you are never guaranteed the same situation- your bus may have airconditioning/none, many/few seats, be full of rowdy, pubescent highschool students/peaceful. You get on- not knowing but trusting-trusting that the ride you are on is a safe one- one with a busdriver that has had a decent sleep, hasn't been out drinking the green goodness of Soju, you don't get hold hostage like the horrific incident in Manila yesterday evening and most of all he/she gets you to your destination on time. Constant anxieties that one needs to surpass by trusting the universe-the Big Guy out there-as I believe most things in life should be approached.

You find a position in the bus- the most convenient or comfortable - a seat hopefully-at the back in the shadows or right up in front with all the action of the "anyeonghaseyo" or "Gamsamhamnidas" as the electric machine beeps loudly. Chosen for a specific reason, you try support yourself as the bus sways obscurely from side to side presenting multiple obstructions. Sometimes grabbing at the handles dangling above, sometimes finding support by rooting yourself firmly on the ground, you need to look for support in circumstances otherwise you could end up falling.

Have you ever watched the way everybody's head and body sways in the same motion when on a bus? Everyone moving in synchronisity... as if to the same tune- fashion, trends, culture, social norms, societal pressures-we all get caught up in it and somehow even if we don't agree with it all- we go along swaying back and forth rather amusingly.

You do a great deal of observing on a bus (especially when you don't speak the language-but even so). You watch the world go by from your perspective-your stand-point-nobody else's. Sure you get a glimpse of yourself in the mirror from time to time and realise how others really see you just like how one stumbles upon a blog with vivid descriptions of you or how you overhear people speaking about you or are told by others what their friends think of you... all are perpectives -subjective ones and you quickly realise how you form your own world too through your subjectivity-your consciousness.

The people come and go-just as in life-some as complete strangers -going the same route on thesame bus , but never is your life intertwined with theirs-the elderly constantly lost looking man with a hunky dorey bag and his faded khaki jeans or the cool high school girl with exquisite hair who will sure grow up to be beautiful for a long time or the young professional bank assistant in the same blue and silver ShinHan bank apparel with a "I am living a desperate life of solitude" written on her forehead. You relate to them in some ways and don't in others, but never is a word exchanged. Then, there are some people who you become close to -and even miss when they are no longer on the journey with you-like Seong-my 5th grade student who eats far too much-usually consisting of some bakery delight but is always jovial and happy to see me and so to am I her. We share stories of our lives in simple language- "I went to Seoul this weekend" I say. "hmmm" she says in return. "I go Gongicheon" "I like Zakumi-very cute" And so we take an interest in each other's lives-I give her a Zakumi mascot pen and remember her birthday and in return she gives her most valuable sticker so I can stick it on my phone-an intereaction, a witnessing, a touch of humanity.

You also realise others who have not been there for a long time-and wonder if you will ever meet up with them again-the neatly dressed, middle-aged man who always kindly holds my luggage if I am standing and smiles shyly acknowledging my existence. You saw him at the bank the other day and know more about the gaps in his life- he works as the front desk man directing people who enter the building to obviously far more important seeming individuals than himself. Nevertheless, his absence is missed, just as you realise people enter and leave your life or just change the way you relate to one another, because of circumstances, death (dear Sam Moon) or a fall out.

At some point though, you need to get off -you have reached your destination- where I must say my analogy falls short-you never arrive. Sure you always have the future in front of you and the past behind you as the bus has tarred-road beneath it. However, you never reach a full potential or the end point or the climax of your life... not that I can believe anyway. You only wait for the next bus to jump on, trustingly that the direction and journey it takes you on is an exciting but safe one-one filled with experience of other rides, enough support and protection, friendly faces and some purpose so that your life, as you perceive it has some meaning.

The challenge of (in)stability

Today, I test-drove my new little scooter!!!!! yeha! The best part of my day.

For some bizarre reason, I have been incredibly down since I have arrived back in Korea. Perhaps I am still trying to recover from an exciting adventure (which I still need to blog about -I know-but will have to wait until my thoughts about this issue are cleared), perhaps it is in itself is no longer a new exciting experience and has just become routine, maybe I just don't feel like working or maybe I just need something else to look forward to as I did with my summer vacation.

Nevertheless, I shall no longer dwell on why I am feeling frot about being in Korea, but rather on a simplistic notion that has been aimlessly circulating my mind like a stray dog ever since I got back to Korea. And when I was trying to negotiate myself on my new scooter around Dani and Bryan's parking lot (as Carla left it in front of her apartment for me), it dawned on me= it's all about stability, or rather the striving for stability in one's life-yet always being faced with instability and change-a constant ebb and flow....finding stability until something else happens and the scooter unbalances and one needs to quickly compensate for the falling weight of the joyous machinery otherwise it may topple and so you too along with it.

Maybe I should back track as my analogy may serve a better purpose if the context of my thoughts is understood:

So situation number 1: in the Phillipines on our second last day -we were sitting in Mc Donalds-I know what awfully bad tourists (we did however have a BUKO pie-which is a local custard-coconut tart that we bought from a street seller down the road) and having quiet "delightful" pancakes, hash browns and a patty, when all of a sudden Augustine realised my backpack was missing. I initially thought it might just have been moved, but it soon dawned on me with my South African savvy that I was careless and it was indeed gone like the wind-probably half the way to Manila already on the back of a jeepney. We alerted the police and did everything we could, but the fact of the matter was that it was gonners. I shrugged it off and pretended that I wasn't that upset, but as the day wore on and I realised all my things that were in that bag-I turned a little sour and bitter. My lovely jeans-that i have probably worn 500 times in the last 5 years, some of my beautiful dresses and loads of pressies for Koreans and friends and fam back home. My bitterness soon turned to an almost mourning for all my clothes that I had acquired from all over the world-Mauritius, Italy, Hong King, Kalk Bay in Cape Town and the Phillipines. As much as I told myself it didn't matter-it did! And for the first time it really hit me how materialistic I have become-I placed high value on my clothes-not really because of the price value attached to them but rather the sentimental value and experiences I had shared with people while buying them, mending them or wearing them. Along with my clothes, my cellphone was stolen too- with a host of numbers and contacts I had acquired in Korea and in a puff of smoke they were gone!

Situation number 2: After Jo and I had spent 14 hours travelling, we got to Incheon Airport and after desperately wanting to phone home we ended up missing our bus -the last bus back to Chuncheon, so 'n Boer maak 'n plan -and off Jo (also a Joanne from PE) and I set to Seoul to hopefully catch the last connecting bus from Seoul to Chuncheon. It was 10:50pm and the trip usually takes 1hr and 20minutes, so by some great miracle the bus driver would ride extra fast with there being no extra traffic and we would arrive 10minutes early to catch the last bus at midnight. Otherwise it meant staying the night in Seoul which would be unnecessary and definitely not a frugal affair. SO we were determined! AS the bus came to a grinding halt Jo and I were out of there as if we were racing for the million dollars in Amazing Race. The station was closing and that bus is the last one to leave for the evening. In our hurry, JO and I had agreed that I would chase down the bus and she would go to the toilet, as she was desperate. For some reason though, when it was her turn to divert off the path and head for the loo she didn't-she stayed behind me (or so I thought). Along with another Korean middle-aged woman I hailed down the only bus that was reversing from a long line of resting busses that would soon be aroused again as the usually packed station would come alive again in 5 or so hours. "Odi-ekaseyo?" (where does this bus go?) I asked the bus-driver-"Chuncheon" he replied! and relieved and sweating, still spluttering from the fumes in Manila, I hopped on-only to realise JO was nowhere to be seen-TOILET I thought. In my best Korean-I explained "Chonin chingu-hwajangshil, ee-bun chuseyo" (My friend=toilet, 2minutes please wait.) Rather grumpily but agreeably he waited-and we waited and we waited and no JO! so eventually I got off-and started running around the derelict station filled only with stray cats and the howls of the wind-screaming "JO" "JO" "JO" as I could hear my voice reverberating against the walls of the station-it was eerie-never have I heard such silence in Korea-let alone in the main bus terminal of the Capital city with a population of 10million people. I ran my little legs off-to the toilet, to the front door, to the place we had entered the station- I had Korean police on my case-shouting "OPSEYO"! (get out/not allowed). So, I ran back to the bus and signaled to the man I could not find her-all I could think of was "PERDU" in french which means LOST! I told him he could go, as the other people had already been waiting. As the reflection of the red lights on the rear of the bus shone in the rain puddles, I became frantic and I felt my chest begin to shake as my sobbing turned on like a tap! I thought that perhaps JO had been hit by another bus and could be lying dead and I did not know. Then, out of nowhere, JO appeared-now shouting my name-"JO"! And she was about 200m in front of me with the Chuncheon bus having stopped right in front of her-obviously realising she was the missing SARAM (person). My tears dried up like washing on a hot summers day and I sprinted to her! We were both flabagasted to see each other. She had consequently chased after another bus and then run so far along that she couldn't hear me. Without a toilet break, she had to pinch all the way to Chuncheon! But boy was I relieved! We clambered onto the bus and I shouted "gansamhamnida" to everyone to show my appreciation! Thank you! Oh how things can quickly change!

(I have realised this notion I am wanting to argue is diverting slightly, but hopefully the stories and adventures have been mildly entertaining)

Situation number 3: We got to Chuncheon, and wham the weather was crazy-torrential downpour to the extent of lightning and thunder which doesn't happen in Korea or so I am told.

The next morning I checked the news out and Pakistan and China had been having terrible floods-the worst in years. The aid is not getting out quick enough.

Situation number 4: after a chat to my dad on skype, I realise that the awe-inspiring South Africa who a mere month ago hosted the most remarkable World Cup is having huge political unrest as civil servants are striking and the ANC is wanting to clamp down on the media-so much for freedom of expression!?

Situation number 5: Marc tells me that my hard-drive I sent home may not be able to work again and all my work from university, my pictures and my music and videos may have evaporated into thin air!!!

Situation number 6: My cousin Lisl has had her second son Mark, while my other cousin Kerryn is attending her friend's boyfriend's funeral.

Situation number 7: Just a week ago, I was sailing the seas in the Phillipines feeling so at peace with the world and today I am frantic as I feel like I have joined the rat race again to EDUCATE EDUCATE, EDUCATE!

Situation number 8: I have also been feeling very sick since last Wednesday with a sore throat and coughing and a high fever- so much so that I have come home every night from school and collapsed into bed-14hour sleeps on average a night to regain strength and health. I always think it is so funny that as humans we truly only appreciate good health when we are sick-our logic seems warped!

In all these situations there is an essence of instability or impermanence = material things, plans, relationships and personal contacts, weather, politics, knowledge, memories, health, birth and death and feelings... I somehow have always been aware that things are in a constant phase of change in life,but I don't think I have ever really come to terms with it as much as I have in this last week. I do believe however, that there is one constant in our lives-I have not quite figured it out-nor do I think I will completely in this life as we know it- but I believe more and more these days in a greater spiritual realm out there in the universe-something holding this organised chaos together. As we ride our little scooters through life, and we become unbalanced from time to time, we need to be able to reflect on it, hold it and then let go of that feeling, so that we can begin to shift our weight in another direction towards stability. And I reckon the only way we manage to achieve that most of the time is by allowing someone greater to guide us.

Bisous

Jo

xxx