For some bizarre reason, I have been incredibly down since I have arrived back in Korea. Perhaps I am still trying to recover from an exciting adventure (which I still need to blog about -I know-but will have to wait until my thoughts about this issue are cleared), perhaps it is in itself is no longer a new exciting experience and has just become routine, maybe I just don't feel like working or maybe I just need something else to look forward to as I did with my summer vacation.
Nevertheless, I shall no longer dwell on why I am feeling frot about being in Korea, but rather on a simplistic notion that has been aimlessly circulating my mind like a stray dog ever since I got back to Korea. And when I was trying to negotiate myself on my new scooter around Dani and Bryan's parking lot (as Carla left it in front of her apartment for me), it dawned on me= it's all about stability, or rather the striving for stability in one's life-yet always being faced with instability and change-a constant ebb and flow....finding stability until something else happens and the scooter unbalances and one needs to quickly compensate for the falling weight of the joyous machinery otherwise it may topple and so you too along with it.
Maybe I should back track as my analogy may serve a better purpose if the context of my thoughts is understood:
So situation number 1: in the Phillipines on our second last day -we were sitting in Mc Donalds-I know what awfully bad tourists (we did however have a BUKO pie-which is a local custard-coconut tart that we bought from a street seller down the road) and having quiet "delightful" pancakes, hash browns and a patty, when all of a sudden Augustine realised my backpack was missing. I initially thought it might just have been moved, but it soon dawned on me with my South African savvy that I was careless and it was indeed gone like the wind-probably half the way to Manila already on the back of a jeepney. We alerted the police and did everything we could, but the fact of the matter was that it was gonners. I shrugged it off and pretended that I wasn't that upset, but as the day wore on and I realised all my things that were in that bag-I turned a little sour and bitter. My lovely jeans-that i have probably worn 500 times in the last 5 years, some of my beautiful dresses and loads of pressies for Koreans and friends and fam back home. My bitterness soon turned to an almost mourning for all my clothes that I had acquired from all over the world-Mauritius, Italy, Hong King, Kalk Bay in Cape Town and the Phillipines. As much as I told myself it didn't matter-it did! And for the first time it really hit me how materialistic I have become-I placed high value on my clothes-not really because of the price value attached to them but rather the sentimental value and experiences I had shared with people while buying them, mending them or wearing them. Along with my clothes, my cellphone was stolen too- with a host of numbers and contacts I had acquired in Korea and in a puff of smoke they were gone!
Situation number 2: After Jo and I had spent 14 hours travelling, we got to Incheon Airport and after desperately wanting to phone home we ended up missing our bus -the last bus back to Chuncheon, so 'n Boer maak 'n plan -and off Jo (also a Joanne from PE) and I set to Seoul to hopefully catch the last connecting bus from Seoul to Chuncheon. It was 10:50pm and the trip usually takes 1hr and 20minutes, so by some great miracle the bus driver would ride extra fast with there being no extra traffic and we would arrive 10minutes early to catch the last bus at midnight. Otherwise it meant staying the night in Seoul which would be unnecessary and definitely not a frugal affair. SO we were determined! AS the bus came to a grinding halt Jo and I were out of there as if we were racing for the million dollars in Amazing Race. The station was closing and that bus is the last one to leave for the evening. In our hurry, JO and I had agreed that I would chase down the bus and she would go to the toilet, as she was desperate. For some reason though, when it was her turn to divert off the path and head for the loo she didn't-she stayed behind me (or so I thought). Along with another Korean middle-aged woman I hailed down the only bus that was reversing from a long line of resting busses that would soon be aroused again as the usually packed station would come alive again in 5 or so hours. "Odi-ekaseyo?" (where does this bus go?) I asked the bus-driver-"Chuncheon" he replied! and relieved and sweating, still spluttering from the fumes in Manila, I hopped on-only to realise JO was nowhere to be seen-TOILET I thought. In my best Korean-I explained "Chonin chingu-hwajangshil, ee-bun chuseyo" (My friend=toilet, 2minutes please wait.) Rather grumpily but agreeably he waited-and we waited and we waited and no JO! so eventually I got off-and started running around the derelict station filled only with stray cats and the howls of the wind-screaming "JO" "JO" "JO" as I could hear my voice reverberating against the walls of the station-it was eerie-never have I heard such silence in Korea-let alone in the main bus terminal of the Capital city with a population of 10million people. I ran my little legs off-to the toilet, to the front door, to the place we had entered the station- I had Korean police on my case-shouting "OPSEYO"! (get out/not allowed). So, I ran back to the bus and signaled to the man I could not find her-all I could think of was "PERDU" in french which means LOST! I told him he could go, as the other people had already been waiting. As the reflection of the red lights on the rear of the bus shone in the rain puddles, I became frantic and I felt my chest begin to shake as my sobbing turned on like a tap! I thought that perhaps JO had been hit by another bus and could be lying dead and I did not know. Then, out of nowhere, JO appeared-now shouting my name-"JO"! And she was about 200m in front of me with the Chuncheon bus having stopped right in front of her-obviously realising she was the missing SARAM (person). My tears dried up like washing on a hot summers day and I sprinted to her! We were both flabagasted to see each other. She had consequently chased after another bus and then run so far along that she couldn't hear me. Without a toilet break, she had to pinch all the way to Chuncheon! But boy was I relieved! We clambered onto the bus and I shouted "gansamhamnida" to everyone to show my appreciation! Thank you! Oh how things can quickly change!
(I have realised this notion I am wanting to argue is diverting slightly, but hopefully the stories and adventures have been mildly entertaining)
Situation number 3: We got to Chuncheon, and wham the weather was crazy-torrential downpour to the extent of lightning and thunder which doesn't happen in Korea or so I am told.
The next morning I checked the news out and Pakistan and China had been having terrible floods-the worst in years. The aid is not getting out quick enough.
Situation number 4: after a chat to my dad on skype, I realise that the awe-inspiring South Africa who a mere month ago hosted the most remarkable World Cup is having huge political unrest as civil servants are striking and the ANC is wanting to clamp down on the media-so much for freedom of expression!?
Situation number 5: Marc tells me that my hard-drive I sent home may not be able to work again and all my work from university, my pictures and my music and videos may have evaporated into thin air!!!
Situation number 6: My cousin Lisl has had her second son Mark, while my other cousin Kerryn is attending her friend's boyfriend's funeral.
Situation number 7: Just a week ago, I was sailing the seas in the Phillipines feeling so at peace with the world and today I am frantic as I feel like I have joined the rat race again to EDUCATE EDUCATE, EDUCATE!
Situation number 8: I have also been feeling very sick since last Wednesday with a sore throat and coughing and a high fever- so much so that I have come home every night from school and collapsed into bed-14hour sleeps on average a night to regain strength and health. I always think it is so funny that as humans we truly only appreciate good health when we are sick-our logic seems warped!
In all these situations there is an essence of instability or impermanence = material things, plans, relationships and personal contacts, weather, politics, knowledge, memories, health, birth and death and feelings... I somehow have always been aware that things are in a constant phase of change in life,but I don't think I have ever really come to terms with it as much as I have in this last week. I do believe however, that there is one constant in our lives-I have not quite figured it out-nor do I think I will completely in this life as we know it- but I believe more and more these days in a greater spiritual realm out there in the universe-something holding this organised chaos together. As we ride our little scooters through life, and we become unbalanced from time to time, we need to be able to reflect on it, hold it and then let go of that feeling, so that we can begin to shift our weight in another direction towards stability. And I reckon the only way we manage to achieve that most of the time is by allowing someone greater to guide us.
Bisous
Jo
xxx
Hang in doll!! You know you're a special kid, and although it's sometimes hard to believe, we're meant to have been given the goods to deal with any situation we find our selves in :) And, you especially definitely have the goods!! You rock! Missing you like mad, hope your prezzie doesn't take too long to get there. xoxoxox
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