I think therefore I am

“I think therefore I am”

I have officially been in Korea for 46 days and it is the first day I have been able to stop, sit quietly and THINK! This quiet and reflective zone I am currently enjoying is one I seldom allow myself to enter. There is always something to be done or someone to chat to or another place to go adventure. BUT, this time my body has called TIME-OUT with an attack of awful flu, resulting in my current state of feeling completely YUCK and occupied with nothing other than my own thoughts.

Being out of academia for almost 6 months now, I have joyously left essays and research and statistics and journal articles behind me (at least for the meantime). Yet today lying in bed, a particular essay has resurfaced in my mind- the unfathomable question of the MIND-BODY PROBLEM. For an essay in neuropsychology, we were required to explain, either philosophically or scientifically, this jolly age-old question.

What I argued is rather irrelevant as I believe a resolute answer has not yet been established in the scientific or philosophical community. But I have really pondered about Descartes notion of “ I think, therefore I am”- not in the sense of it forming the basis of a dualism argument for the mind body problem or any other deeper philosophical ponderings, but rather from the subjective view-point of “me” in this world and how the simple meaning of the phrase that if I am wondering whether or not I exist, that is in and of itself proof that I do exist.

Worldly possessions I have plenty: socks, panties, pens, scissors, jeans, books, a camera, chopsticks, knife and a fork, blankets, a pillow, a bag, boots that need a polish, internet, a bed,a washing machine, a TV, etc.

Physically, I am generally healthy: (well besides for today) my heart works, I have never broken a bone in my body, my bladder does its own thing mostly, and my eye-sight isn’t fabulous, but hey what’s that compared to AIDs or malaria right?! I also have make-up to make myself look a little more decent every morning and I generally eat healthy enough that I don’t fit the average American stereotype of obese.

Emotionally, I am a very happy person generally, I deeply care about people and love being sociable to the point of absolute shut-down, I am enthusiastic and bubbly and have found that I am perhaps over sensitive to people and things around me. On the Myers-Briggs personality scale I am rated as extroverted, intuitive, judgemental and feeling. (ENJF) I am such an A-type that is drives me to such a point where functioning is impossible-hence my current state!

Socially, I have a wonderful network of family and friends back home in South Africa and here even now after only after one month with a language barrier mostly- I have made a great friend in the stationery shop owner down the road who insists I call him George Michael. It isn’t hard for me to make friends and create meaningful relationships with people. Saying that, I miss everyone back home terribly and feel like contact is difficult. But maybe it’s because yesterday was Easter Sunday and that normally means family day with all the cousins!!! Hmmm…

Culturally, I call myself South African-whatever that means culturally (perhaps best described nationally), but definitely have Scottish, Irish and English blood in me, which I am reminded about each day wearing my great-grandmother’s gloves to school in the cold. But yes I am very much South African –because it is my home. I love the warmth of the people and the beauty of the country, the diversity and richness of culture and language. The daily struggles, the horrible education, the appalling political struggles, the crime and violence. In the same way, I feel like I have fitted in here so easily in a South Korean environment-eating the food, speaking the Hanguel language, riding taxis, watching the Korean television, feeling the anguish yet admiration for the Japanese, the crazy bali-bali culture that makes this first world country tick!

Spiritually I still like to think of myself as Christian, yet with a far more open-minded view of spirituality in general than Jesus Christ is the only way forward. I feel very unsettled and perhaps this journey is meant to help me discover more of what is out there, of which I am still so unfamiliar.

But this brings me back to introductory line of “I think therefore I am”. Even though I am miles and miles away from home and family and my daily life-it has baffled me how easy it has been to start up a new life in a “new world” so to speak. And the only constant thing that reminds me I am “me” is essentially only my thoughts. I am alone with my thoughts…I have got a whole new set of worldy possessions, I have put on 3 kg, I have changed my hair, I eat different food, I speak a different language (terribly, but still), I have a new group of friends and social network, I have to be more quiet to fit into the cultural norms, I am still happy generally, I am still uncertain of my my faith, but all that could change- and I would be left with me, myself and I and my thoughts!!! Well, and I would like to think someone bigger out there in the universe is with me too!

So here I am feeling morbid with life, a little home-sick and keen for some mince and spaghetti, some African sunshine and a drive in my car to Simonstown with Siguros playing loudly, but at least complacent with the fact that I am still me-the subjective me- because I can think and still be! 

SO now that I have established that I am Joanne Beckwith (aka JO, 조) I think this entry should finally signify my first blog entry and hopefully the first of many! 